I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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