I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
It was confusing and full of hummus
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
