We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
