just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
how drunk are you?
Several
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
