Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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