tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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