I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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