i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
