i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
