if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
