3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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