im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I think I am morally bankrupt
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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