remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
