smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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