wrigley field is MILF paradise
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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