Apparently you make a good broom.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
