I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
