You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
