the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
my being single is dangerous.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
