Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
