I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
