things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
