I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
