I hate all girls vehemently.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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