U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
