I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
