Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
