I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
