man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Drunk is not a location!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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