I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
