apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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