If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
