3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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