I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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