i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
