So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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