guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
