if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
