i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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