On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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