Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
