Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Blood and glitter go together right?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
