well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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