I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
