a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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