My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Randomize
