Duck Duck Cougar?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
