i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
