pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My Sexting was not on an AP level
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
