Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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