Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
