apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
