Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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