it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
