my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
