Got a toothbrush?
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
i out mim tonsoeep
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