I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
