I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
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It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
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Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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