remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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