and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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