Your face is a jimmy john
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
