: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
