just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
