his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
