apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
