Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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