Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
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I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
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My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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