I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
