Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
