Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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