I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I lost the right to judge tonight
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize