Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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