I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
