Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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