you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
