Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
