Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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