I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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