quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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