so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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