dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
