i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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