So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
